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How to handle the picky eater

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  • Ellyn Satter
  • How to handle the picky eater
Child pouting at breakfast table, looking displeased.

Why do you say your child is picky?

Does she eat differently from other children?

Does she get upset around new food?

How can you tell if she is really picky or just normal?

Children are naturally picky.

Some are extra cautious about new food. Some are picky because parents get pushy with feeding.

What is normal?

  • Liking a food one day but not the next.
  • Not eating much at times.
  • Tasting a new food and taking it out.
  • Seeing a new food many times before trying it.

What is picky eating?

  • Only eating her favorite foods—ever.
  • Getting upset around new food.
  • Whining or crying at the table.
  • Worrying whether she will be able to eat away from home.

You can’t make your child eat if she doesn’t want to.

You can, however, teach her to behave nicely around food and help her be comfortable at mealtime. If she relaxes and enjoys meals, sooner or later she will push herself along to learn to like new food.

Here’s how to keep your child comfortable at mealtime:

Child gazing at vegetables, arms crossed.
  • Do your jobs with feeding and let your child do hers.
  • You decide what, when, and where your child gets to eat.
  • She decides how much and whether she eats—of what you make.
  • Be child-friendly with meal-planning, but don’t cater to her.
  • Offer 1 or 2 foods she usually eats. Match familiar food with unfamiliar, favorite with not-so-favorite.
  • Have meals be pleasant. Include her in conversation.
  • Teach her to turn down food politely— to say “yes, please” and “no, thank you.” Take no for an answer.
  • Give her encouragement: “You can find something to eat. You don’t have to eat if you don’t want to.”

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    Side-Lying Hold

    1. For the right breast, lie on your right side with your baby facing you.
    2. Pull your baby close. Your baby’s mouth should be level with your nipple.
    3. In this position, you can cradle your baby’s back with your left arm and support yourself with your right arm and/or pillows.
    4. Keep loose clothing and bedding away from your baby.
    5. Reverse for the left breast.

    This hold is useful when:

    • You had a C-section
    • You want to rest while baby feeds
    • You are breastfeeding in the middle of the night
    • You and your baby are comfortable in this position
    Yellow circle with abstract, jagged shapes and patterns.

    Cross-Cradle Hold

    1. For the right breast, use your left arm to hold your baby’s head at your right breast and baby’s body toward your left side. A pillow across your lap can help support your left arm.
    2. Gently place your left hand behind your baby’s ears and neck, with your thumb and index finger behind each ear and your palm between baby’s shoulder blades. Turn your baby’s body toward yours so your tummies are touching.
    3. Hold your breast as if you are squeezing a sandwich. To protect your back, avoid leaning down to your baby. Instead, bring your baby to you.
    4. As your baby’s mouth opens, push gently with your left palm on baby’s head to help them latch on. Make sure you keep your fingers out of the way.
    5. Reverse for the left breast.

    This hold is useful when:

    • Your baby is premature
    • Your baby has a weak suck
    • Your baby needs help to stay latched
    • Your baby needs extra head support
    • You and your baby are comfortable in this position
    Cat playing with butterfly in a garden.

    Clutch or “Football” Hold

    1. For the right breast, hold your baby level, facing up, at your right side.
    2. Put your baby’s head near your right nipple and support their back and legs under your right arm.
    3. Hold the base of your baby’s head with your right palm. A pillow underneath your right arm can help support your baby’s weight.
    4. To protect your back, avoid leaning down to your baby. Bring baby to you instead.
    5. Reverse for the left breast.

    This hold is useful when:

    • You had a C-section
    • You have large breasts
    • You have flat or inverted nipples
    • You have a strong milk let-down
    • You are breastfeeding twins
    • Your baby likes to feed in an upright position
    • Your baby has reflux
    • You and your baby are comfortable in this position
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    Cradle Hold

    1. For the right breast, cradle your baby with your right arm. Your baby will be on their left side across your lap, facing you at nipple level.
    2. Your baby’s head will rest on your right forearm with your baby’s back along your inner arm and palm.
    3. Turn your baby’s tummy toward your tummy. Your left hand is free to support your breast, if needed. Pillows can help support your arm and elbow.
    4. To protect your back, avoid leaning down to your baby. Instead, bring your baby to you.
    5. Reverse for the left breast.

    This hold is useful when:

    • Your baby needs help latching on
    • You and your baby are comfortable in this position
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    Laid-Back Hold

    1. Lean back on a pillow with your baby’s tummy touching yours and their head at breast level. Some moms find that sitting up nearly straight works well. Others prefer to lean back and lie almost flat.
    2. You can place your baby’s cheek near your breast, or you may want to use one hand to hold your breast near your baby. It’s up to you and what you think feels best.
    3. Your baby will naturally find your nipple, latch, and begin to suckle.

    This hold is useful when:

    • Your baby is placed on your chest right after birth
    • You have a strong milk let-down
    • You have large breasts
    • You and your baby are comfortable in this position